【QUOTES DIRECTORY】 【QUOTES DIRECTORY】

【TOP 50】George Carlin Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

Are you looking for George Carlin quotes? If Yes, then you have reached at right place because this page has a collection of popular George Carlin quotes which are updated in 2024. Following are the list of some top George Carlin quotes, You can copy and paste below quotes and share with your friend and family on whatsapp, facebook, twitter.

Page 1 of 3, Showing 50 of 140 Records

«
1
2
3
»
›

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin Quotes

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm. - George Carlin Quotes

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm.

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. - George Carlin Quotes

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

Books And Reading

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist - George Carlin Quotes

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things - George Carlin Quotes

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin Quotes

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

American Comedian Funny

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin Quotes

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

American Comedian Electricity Funny

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting - George Carlin Quotes

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting

Night

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity - George Carlin Quotes

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt - George Carlin Quotes

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt

Home

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down. - George Carlin Quotes

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten - George Carlin Quotes

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it - George Carlin Quotes

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin Quotes

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section - George Carlin Quotes

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket - George Carlin Quotes

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another. - George Carlin Quotes

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

American Comedian Audience Funny

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election - George Carlin Quotes

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac - George Carlin Quotes

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a part of hell will break loose - it'll be much harder to detect - George Carlin Quotes

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a part of hell will break loose - it'll be much harder to detect

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. - George Carlin Quotes

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

American Comedian Authority Funny

we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. - George Carlin Quotes

we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept - George Carlin Quotes

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor - George Carlin Quotes

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor

Floor

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with - George Carlin Quotes

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with

Cop didn't see it, I didn't do it! - George Carlin Quotes

Cop didn't see it, I didn't do it!

Here's somthing you never hear someone say: 'As soon as I stick this red hot poker up my ass i'm going to chop my dick off'. - George Carlin Quotes

Here's somthing you never hear someone say: 'As soon as I stick this red hot poker up my ass i'm going to chop my dick off'.

Poker

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is - George Carlin Quotes

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would GO OFF!! EERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! HELLO! HELLO!! - George Carlin Quotes

What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would GO OFF!! EERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! HELLO! HELLO!!

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity - George Carlin Quotes

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor - George Carlin Quotes

If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions. - George Carlin Quotes

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.

Think off-center. - George Carlin Quotes

Think off-center.

American Comedian Funny

The status quo sucks. - George Carlin Quotes

The status quo sucks.

American Comedian Funny

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. - George Carlin Quotes

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

American Comedian Funny

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes - George Carlin Quotes

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

Religion is just mind control - George Carlin Quotes

Religion is just mind control

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? - George Carlin Quotes

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

American Comedian Funny

The bigger they are, the worse they smell - George Carlin Quotes

The bigger they are, the worse they smell

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans - George Carlin Quotes

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans

I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people - George Carlin Quotes

I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people

Night

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it - George Carlin Quotes

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth - George Carlin Quotes

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin Quotes

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin Quotes

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

American Comedian Disease Funny

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse - George Carlin Quotes

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin Quotes

They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like - George Carlin Quotes

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. - George Carlin Quotes

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Addiction American Comedian Funny Quote of the Day

Page 1 of 3, Showing 50 of 140 Records

«
1
2
3
»
›

Quotes By Popular Topics

View All Topics (A - Z)

Like Our Facebook Page

Motivational, Inspirational, Funny Quotes